My Manipulative, Toxic, Lying, Cheating Whore

A decade plus, reduced to nothing. Countless hurdles, a hollow testament. The growth an illusion. As it started, it ends, nothing left but a brutally broken and poisoned heart.

Yeah, I know how ugly this sounds, talking about someone I supposedly loved. It's fucking ironic, writing these words now, knowing there might be some twisted future where I'd call her the woman I wanted to grow old with. Love? Insane is more like it. I love her as much as I fucking hate her right now.

I want to despise her for every bit of this agonizing hurt and pain I'm drowning in. I want to wish death on her, just to make it stop. But I can't. All I can fucking manage, all I can gather the courage for, is just cursing the ground their new relationship walks on. I just hope to God she wakes up one day and sees the monumental, soul-crushing mistake she made. This hurt isn't just gonna disappear.

I know some of you reading this will think I'm immature, or overbearing. "Relationships start and end all the time," you'll say. You'll talk about that surreal, fantasy bullshit idea that "love comes crazy." I can't back that theory. But if it were true, why the fuck did someone have to invent those words? If not to reassure themselves and others of that exact, desperate fact? I believe we only come up with these affirmations, this self-help garbage, after the complete opposite has been proven true or terrifyingly possible.

Anyways, we were supposedly dedicated to each other for over a fucking decade. Countless hurdles. And instead of growing stronger, growing better? It's ending exactly how this shit started. Just... ending. And she? She can't even muster a single positive thought about me. Is that new? No. And this new, "blessed" relationship is taking over our lives, upending it into oblivion.

Honestly, I'm starting to believe we aren't built for this "forever" bullshit. Such is the true nature of human beings. We're part of the animal kingdom, like most animals, and we're incapable of being with just one person from start to finish. The truth I've seen through friends, family, and my own countless exes is this: we either delude ourselves into believing we're capable of it, or we're just serial monogamists or straight-up cheaters.

Be offended. Go the fuck ahead. See how much I care. Be as offended as you want. But that's the cold, hard truth. Say you never cheated. Then what? The reality is, as time grinds on, we're most likely to go apart. And bless the rare few who caught on early and actually worked their asses off to keep their shit together. Yeah. Bless you.

But guess what? For the others, if they didn't split, they grew bored. Found each other taxing. Suffering. And then they start spinning this narrative that they "deserve better." And whether they realize it or not, they start picking apart areas where someone else seems "better" or has "invested" more, just to justify why they should leave. "He's a better lover." "He's a better kisser." "He handles stress and life struggles better." "He's more manly." "He's great at sex." Or, the ultimate bullshit: "He's practically a sex god who satisfies his woman."

Those were the kinds of answers thrown my way since their "relationship" started, besides being called a faggot. Those were things I've heard again and again, just because she's blinded by her so-called "love."

The truth, based on what I've seen and read (though finding solid stats is a pain in the ass), is that animals breed until decline or death. I couldn't find a single study showing an animal remaining celibate after a partner dies. And only 3 to 5 percent of all animal species – out of over 4,000 mammals – have ever shown any kind of monogamous behavior.

And guess what? Out of all the mammals – yes, human beings are mammals and part of the animal kingdom – we are the most vicious. To those taking offense, again, be offended. To those wondering how? Every other animal kills for survival. We do it for pleasure, for greed, or because we're just defective, demented pieces of shit. Yeah, some animals cull the weak out of instinct to spare them suffering. But arrogant as we are, we make laws pretending it's for the common good, yet we're the only species to enslave each other, the only species to view difference, minorities, the vulnerable as less than us. We are the most unreasonable. Instead of uniting to fix this world going to hell, we stand in congregations spewing garbage like "the end is near" and "the world is just getting what it deserves" because of "sins." We are indecisive, selfish, vain, hypocritical... I could go on, but what the fuck would be the point? Aren't we fully aware that we are despicable?

And with all that, isn't it fascinating that human beings would think themselves special enough to declare that their way is the only way of the world, and anything else is immoral?

It's not all bad, I guess. The truth is, we are fortunate. We are special. We're the only species, so far, capable of complex thought, critical analysis, sympathy, empathy. But alas, we envy each other, we hate each other, we bully each other, we covet. We've perverted that beautiful trait that sets us as apex.

Monogamy. The Way of the World. (Sarcastic as fuck tone).

You know what? Fuck it. Monogamy is unnatural. It's a societal construct based on controlling each other out of fear – fear of what the world would look like otherwise. It's more like someone woke up one day terrified their woman would be taken, or would want to leave and enjoy someone else's company more than theirs. So, they invented derogatory terms like promiscuity, adultery, cheating, and all that shit. And I truly believe it.

You know why? In America alone, for those brave enough to admit it, statistics show a significant chunk of people cheat. And that's probably the low end, because who the fuck wants to admit that? We all, every single one of us, have lied at least once just to escape someone else's goddamn judgment.